The best album name for a greatest hits compilations:

1. Choice Cuts -- King Floyd
2. Big Ones -- Aerosmith
3. At Worst...The Best of Boy George and Culture Club -- Culture Club
4. The Kink Kronikles -- The Kinks
5. 10 Years and Gunnin' -- M.O.P.

Good Ol' Sunday Morning

You wouldn't believe how hard the bass line to Blue Sky by the Allman Brothers is to play. Your last name has to basically be Malmsteen; first name Yngwie.

Nancy Grace

It's St. Patrick's Day and time for green beer. Never had it you say? Well, curiously enough, it tastes haltingly similar to beer with green food coloring. Plus, a lot of guys with goatees drink it.

Fear Factor

I think one of my biggest fears is to find someone write "Man, what a long strange trip it's been" in someone else's yearbook.

Enough Already

If I see that perp walk of Brian Nichols being led in his white T-shirt with a smudge on the front one more time, I might start taking my own hostages. Speaking of which, look for the real life hostage to pose in Playboy this Fall.

Tome Messerau

From now on, the next time a girl says she wants to do something on Saturday night, I'm going to charge a non-refundable $50.00 deposit that will go toward that night should she call me back.