Pretenders

If you don't feel comfortable in suspenders, don't wear them.

Wit's End

I can walk and chew gum at the same time. I wish I could say the same for you when you talk on your cell phone while driving.

Note To Coral Shirt Wearers

For those of you planning on going to the Rose Bowl, don't bother buying tickets off ebay. They'll be plenty to scalp outside for face value. If not, then sue me -- try collecting from me when I'm with my girlfriend Ali in Brazil.

Jane Says

Like all good Americans, I waited until the Rolling Stones played a song from their new album before I left my seat to get another beer.

Reuben with extra reuben

The topic of discussion for the next G7 summit should be the correct usage of commas. This is getting out of hand people.